I was shaky this morning heading out. I knew I needed a balance between riding hard enough that we make the cut off but not so hard that I reversed any healing progress we made by stopping and letting me sleep after yesterday's massive feeding. I was still fighting nausea and my head was very sore.

I've decided to stay on my road bike today as the TT is tough on my stomach. On the road bike I can put my tempo at a cadence/effort that I know I can sustain. I found it this morning and it was good.

I cried for the entire second hour of my shift.

This is an incredibly emotional experience and I'm open to it all. As I laid here in the RV last night plagued by thoughts of quitting I just kept reminding myself that it would pass. I needed to get better before I could even entertain those thoughts and when I woke this morning I was more focused on how I could make it through.

Sam and I have taken a little distance from one another which I think is natural and probably beneficial. I can't ride the next six days for him so a bit of distance allows me to focus on what I should be focusing on - me. I love him dearly and can't wait to see him out the other side.

My head is where I need it to be despite the fact that it's sore. My body I am trying to be easy on - as easy as one can be in a situation like this - so that it can rebuild while I ride.

I thought about our Pedal Partners - Captain and Julia - a lot yesterday. Their day to day is that feeling of constant nausea. I wish for them different things but I know that that's just that - a wish.

I'm going to be honest - yesterday scared the absolute living shit out of me. I played not smart and the consequences were bad - there's no point in understating it or I won't learn from it. I put my body in an extremely stressed state and it responded by shutting down. We caught it early enough but...I'm lucky is all. As I try to nurse it today while engaging it to race I'm blown away by it's resilience.

Just finished a shift. Feeling good. The sun will be setting for my next one which is good because I could use a break from this sun.